Baby Bump - 7 months! and why we did this

We've made it to the 7th month! 

At 26 weeks I had to quit boot camp. I just got too big and uncomfortable and started feeling slight pains. It wasn't worth it to risk it so I stopped going and just do light weights and the elliptical at my gym. 

My feet have started hurting so bad! This is not something I remember with my first 2, but maybe I wasn't on feet as much and was able to sit more back then. Just this week my ankles started to swell slightly. Max has recommended that I sit down and put my feet up more often. Ha! 

I have been craving oatmeal and Raisin Bran, but with Almond milk not cows milk. And I am now able to eat vegetables and healthy foods without getting sick! I've happily had broccoli, cauliflower, bell peppers, and carrots. 

And clearly my face has gotten fuller along with everything else. I feel like I had more of that pretty pregnancy glow last month and now my complexion is looking kind of dull and my face is puffy. I still can't believe I'm taking monthly pictures since I never did this with my first 2 because I was so insecure to document my weight gain. I always hated how fat my face got by the end. Oh well, they are worth it. 

Compare to 6 months

So, this week a perfect stranger noticed I was pregnant and asked what I was having. After I said boy she looked at Rhett then looked back at me and said, "Are you sad because you wanted a girl?" Obviously Kellyn wasn't with us. She was at school. But seriously! Who says that?! I wanted to say, "No, after losing 2 babies in a row I'm very happy this one is alive."  I didn't feel the need to tell her I already have a girl. I just said, "No, we are looking forward to having a baby brother." 

Which leads me to tell you the story of how we came to the decision to have a third baby.

The day I found out Rhett was a boy I felt so relieved. Relieved that I never had to suffer through pregnancy again. I threw up until I was 22 weeks with both my girl and my boy. I didn’t ever want to go through that again. But God gives the gift of forgetfulness. He allows you to simply forget the pain, suffering, brain dead exhaustion and so many more terrible things about pregnancy and newborns that I can’t remember. :) 

Everyone expects you to have at least one child and then as soon as you do they start asking, “When are you going to try for the next one?” Then once you have 2 kids you’re expected to be done especially if you have a girl and a boy. If you even have thoughts of a third baby you should probably keep them to yourself unless you are talking to someone who has 3 kids then just be polite and tell them it’s crossed your mind, but they’re expensive. Ha ha. If you tell people you want another baby they will say things like, “You must be a glutton for punishment.” or “But you already have the perfect thing, 1 boy and 1 girl.” And I agree, I have a boy and a girl, kids are expensive, and put a strain on your marriage. Yet I still have this desire for a 3rd little person in our home. I tried making the feeling go away by selling and giving away most our baby things and clothes. Then I thought if I babysat my friend’s baby it would satisfy my baby fever, but seeing how good and patient my kids were with her only made me want to give them a sibling even more. It turned out I don’t really have baby fever. I just flat out want another human to take care of. That sounds crazy! I know! 

Rhett and I were in a car accident on February 7, 2012 (remember this date) when he was 2 1/2. That day really shook me up. That night I immediately let go of my huge fear of not being able to afford another baby. I didn’t want to put more of a financial strain on us. I didn’t want to stress Max out with yet another mouth to feed and clothe. But he didn’t feel like that! He actually agreed with me and thought we SHOULD have another baby! He is a home health, geriatric, physical therapist. He had been asking some of his elderly patients what they thought about having more than 2 kids, All of them told him to have more! They all said they regretted not having more kids! That car accident put it all into perspective for me. I no longer cared about the life long expense of raising 3 kids. The money didn’t matter like I thought it did. The HUMAN LIFE did. So we bought a minivan to replace our totaled SUV in anticipation of adding another member to the family some day. It’s weird how the 1st and the 2nd humans were a no brainer, but the 3rd has been a long decision process. 

In March of 2012 Max quit all of his contract jobs and told them he was going into direct competition with them. He started his own Physical Therapy Staffing business in April 2012 which meant we had NO income. Now was not the time to add another mouth to feed. We had to borrow money from both of our parents to not only start the business, but to pay our bills. Reality began to creep back in and sadly I had to let go of my desire to have another baby. It just wasn’t the best thing for our family. Time wasn’t going to slow down just for us and I didn’t want the baby to be too far apart from Rhett in age so we needed to make a for sure decision one way or the other. The business was growing and profiting slowly so we decided we would start trying after the new year in the hopes of a Fall 2013 baby. But God had other plans... Oh how he laughs at me when I try to control things. 

November 2012 was scary as Rhett and I were in another car accident although minor, but very scary. I accidentally got pregnant that month too! I would have been due August 4, 2013. I was freaked out! I wasn’t ready! This wasn’t what we agreed on. This wasn’t the right time. I was embarrassed to have gotten pregnant on accident like a teenager. I knew for a week before I told Max. Soon after I told him, our water heater busted and flooded our garage right before Christmas costing over $1,000! Not to mention the fact that we just bought a new couch and had just paid for a new hood on the minivan due to the accident. I panicked! I mean I literally had a panic attack and hyperventilated and didn’t want this baby. A week later, the weekend before Christmas, I miscarried. I was 6 1/2 weeks pregnant. I felt intense guilt, grief, relief...repeat...and of course hormone imbalance. By the time I had calmed down and fully accepted another baby sooner than planned, it was gone. I was so sad and just a wreck for 4 days. The day after Christmas I had an ultrasound of my empty womb. My body had done it’s job and was working properly. The doctor told me I was very fertile and that it was OK to try again. Since we hadn’t tried in the first place I guess we will go back to the original plan and start trying in February. But God had other plans...

I got pregnant in January! My first cycle right after the miscarriage. Just like Rhett. I had a miscarriage right before I got pregnant with Rhett then got pregnant with him immediately after and he is fine. I wasn’t about to get my hopes up again considering I’m older now and have friends who have had 2 miscarriages in a row. And then sure enough I started bleeding at 5 1/2 weeks pregnant. I was more emotionally prepared for it this time, but still very sad and grieving. I would have been due Oct. 20. Kellyn’s due date was Oct. 18, but she came on Oct. 12. So maybe God didn’t think Kellyn should have to share her birthday. I don’t want to sound greedy in wanting 3 kids when I already have 2  good, healthy ones, but now after 2 miscarriages in a row my desire for a baby has increased, but at the same time I feel more at peace about the thought of never having one. At least I would know our family is complete and to put the thought of another one out of my mind completely. Besides, we have a perfect little family of 4. 

We never told our parents about any of my miscarriages. I got the impression that neither of our parents wanted us to have a 3rd baby. So I kept my feelings hidden which if you know me is EXTREMELY challenging and painful and has caused some resentment on my part.

Then 1 week after my 35th birthday in May 2013 I got pregnant! I took a positive test the day after Rhett's 4th birthday then immediately called the doctor and rushed up there to get my blood drawn. I got it drawn again 2 days later and my levels were not rising so they put me on progesterone, the devils drug, it worked and we are about to welcome our 3rd child in a few shorts months in early February 2014! My due date is February 7 to be exact. Do you recognize this date? It is exactly 2 years to the day that we decided to have a 3rd baby! I got chills when the doctor first told me. God is so amazing! Not to mention the fact that last Christmas I was in the middle of a miscarriage and grief and this Christmas I will be 8 months pregnant! And at the end of last February I was grieving another miscarriage and at the end of this February I will be holding a new born! 

I felt lead to share our story because it shows God's hand in it through out. Even in the midst of my grief I knew God had a plan that I couldn't see yet, but now He has revealed it to us and it is a beautiful one. One that does not make me question whether or not we made the right decision to make another human. This baby will always know he was wanted and that God planned him to join our family at exactly the right time.
Psalm 139: 13-16 "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." 

I'm sad to say that Max has had to take a Saturday job at South Western Medical to pay for this baby, but at the same time I'm so extremely grateful that he is such a hard worker and wonderful provider. I respect him so much for the sacrifices he makes for us and thank God for him daily. It is so important to choose wisely when picking the father of your children and I feel pretty wise right about now. :)