Halloween is meant to induce fear. Help your children process this feeling and others. From ages 2 to 5 children's brains are flooded with emotions and not rational thought. The rational thought part of the brain doesn't begin to develop until between the ages of 5 to 7. This means they react with emotion first. This happens again when they become teenagers. The rational part of the brain goes into hibernation so that other parts of the brain can grow and develop. I always say that the early childhood years are a glimpse into the teenage years.
Like I said in this month's newsletter one of the best thing parents can do is empathize without giving in. For example: "I understand you are scared. That was scary, but it is never ok to hit me. You can bite this ball if you want or hug this pillow instead."
Don't blow your kids off or try to fix it. You CANNOT fix feelings, dads. I always tell the story of how a little 2nd grade girl came to my counseling office one day upset because her friend would not play with her on the playground. Human instinct tells us to say, "Well then just play with someone else." It's not that easy. Kids are still learning social skills and friendship skills. How do you go up to another classmate and invite them to play with you after being rejected by your best friend (of the day)? Have you taught your kids how to handle this situation or do you just shrug it off as no big deal? There are plenty of other kids on the playground surely they can find someone to play with, right? Young children and teenagers, especially girls process experiences through their feelings. She needed her parents to just listen to the problem and empathize with her. In the life of young child friendship problems are a huge deal. It's all they've got. It consumes their entire mind and distracts them in the classroom.
Her parents should have said, "Oh, I bet you felt sad or rejected. Who did you end up sitting by? What did you talk about? As long as you are being a good friend there isn't anything you can do about the way other people act. You have to be a friend to have a friend. I love you and will pray that tomorrow you will have a better day at lunch."
Labeling and identifying feelings can help reduce temper tantrums. When a child is flooded with so many emotions that he doesn't know what to do he gets angry and acts out. Help label those feelings for him. Go beyond happy, sad, or mad. Give him ideas of what he can do to release his anger in a safe and appropriate way. She is 7, she doesn't know what to do with her jealousy so she makes a bad choice with her words. Parents, tell your daughters, "I know you are angry, but after hearing your story it sounds like might also be feeling a little jealous too." Don't try to fix it! Just identify it then maybe offer some suggestions of what she can do to handle it.
Top 10 Ways to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Children
Labeling and identifying feelings can help reduce temper tantrums. When a child is flooded with so many emotions that he doesn't know what to do he gets angry and acts out. Help label those feelings for him. Go beyond happy, sad, or mad. Give him ideas of what he can do to release his anger in a safe and appropriate way. She is 7, she doesn't know what to do with her jealousy so she makes a bad choice with her words. Parents, tell your daughters, "I know you are angry, but after hearing your story it sounds like might also be feeling a little jealous too." Don't try to fix it! Just identify it then maybe offer some suggestions of what she can do to handle it.
Top 10 Ways to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Children
No comments:
Post a Comment