Today is September 14, three days before my 4th and final baby turns 1. It's been a really tough year. A really sad and lonely year, but also an immensely joyful year at the same time. Moving and leaving our friends in Carrollton, our church, my playgroups, and mom's club, and bootcamp. Everything. It's all been very lonely and isolating like living on a island with a baby that cries and won't sleep and a tantruming toddler. Where is my village? Where are my friends? My village is back in Carrollton and my friends have either gone back to work, joined the PTA, volunteer at school, or are just enjoying their freedom of not having little ones anymore.
It was on this day, Sept. 14, one year ago that my mom came down with the stomach bug 2 days after her birthday, then I got it on Sept. 16 then Kellyn got it on Sept . 17. Yep I was sick and weak and throwing up the day before I gave birth, my last day with my precious baby Bo. And yep, Kellyn held her new born baby sister then just a few hours later was throwing up at her grandparents house. That week before Priscilla's birth was a tough one, but nothing compared to the weeks and months following her birth. Within the first 3 months of her life while I was beyond tire, but brain dead exhausted and suffering from sleep deprivation and out of control, unpredictable hormones, both my grandmother and Max's grandmother died, my childhood friend, Maxx Mills died, and our dog Miss Lily died.
I put my pretty princess to sleep last night in this onesie I bought a few years ago when I was pregnant with Bo, but then once I saw it on him it looked kind of girly since the writing was purple. I kept it anyways and recently found it. Maybe I kept it because I secretly longed for a another little girl and didn't consciously realize it. Whatever the reason I'm so glad I kept it. It looked brand new and never worn. It's very simple and plan so I put it on her as pajamas, but when I saw her in it this morning I almost cried. So I had to take her picture in it all day long. :)
It says, Make a Joyful Noise - Psalm 48
And she does. She yells louder than any one of my 3 other children combined.
Here we were outside playing with soap bubbles. :)
She screams and claps and squeals all day long!
And I can't help, but make a joyful noise to the Lord for her presences. You see, I was told that I had a less than 1% chance of conceiving at the time I did and considering all 3 of my miscarriages and the fact that I had to take progesterone so I wouldn't lose Bo is amazing that we have this 4th baby. This precious angel from heaven. This 4th baby we didn't know we wanted or needed. She truly is a miracle as I know all children are, but she really shouldn't exist, yet she does. God knew she would long before I ever did. Oh how he must have laughed at me as I planned my life with my simple little family of 3 kids. I'm so beyond grateful she is here, that God chose me to be her mommy. I cried so hard and so often at the thought of her existence fearing how it would ruin my life, my children's lives, our marriage...all selfish, fearful thoughts from Satan. But now I cry tears of joy that she actually does exist, that my body was physically able to conceive and not miscarry and then grow a perfectly healthy baby girl to term at my age. She sleeps like a rockstar now! So well that I have been able to go back to bootcamp for the last 3 months!
Over this past year I've learned that you cannot force a baby to sleep. No matter how well your first 3 babies slept it had nothing to do with you. Sure you thought you had this mommy thing down and that you know how to sleep train babies. After all you had done 3 times by the time they were 3 months old right. You have a nice little formula of using the pacifier, and a lovey, and bouncing, nursing, rocking, wearing....whatever it may be. Turns out you just got lucky 3 times. Turns out some babies just simply take longer to learn how to manage their sleep cycles and it has nothing to do with all your tricks. You are not the baby whisperer. You just had 3 good sleepers, but guess what, you don't have 4. Nope, your 4th and final baby will not follow suit with the other. She will refuse to take the pacifier which means there is nothing you can do to soothe her, but just wait until she is ready to put her own thumb in her mouth and keep it there. Sometimes she never choses that. Many times within the first 9 months of her life she will wake up in the middl of night. Unlike popular belief, she is not hungry or teething! She is just awake for no reason other than she woke up and didn't put herself back to sleep. That's it and you just can't force a baby to do that until they are ready. But look how stinking cute she is! God made her our prettiest baby because she is the naughtiest. :)
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