What is happiness?

We have a friend going through a divorce. He didn't see it coming. All of a sudden his wife went crazy and just told him she was unhappy. And has been unhappy for 2 years now and has reconnected with an old boyfriend on facebook. He says she has been having major mood swings. (sounds like postpartum depression or bipolar disorder to me) One day she will be on a high and everything is great and the next day she is at an all time low and hates the world. They have a 5 year old daughter and a 7 month old daughter. She can't explain why she isn't happy she just knows that leaving her husband, making her young children live in 2 homes like nomads, and being single will make her happy. She has come to the decision that her happiness is far more important than the well being of her children much less the man she promised to stay with until death do they part. She feels that her happiness is worth causing her children and many others so much pain, confusion, and grief. I can’t even imagine the pain he is in right now. I love Max so much, but we have our arguments and I'm not always "happy," sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not that’s just how life goes. Marriage is hard work. But Christ is in the center of my life to get me through the tough, unhappy times. Happiness is such a fleeting emotion. I can’t wrap my brain around how she could make such a life changing decision based on 1 emotion like that. I can only assume that her brain will not allow her to think rationally and that she may be in need of medication to help regulate a possible chemical or hormonal imbalance. I don't know what else to do but pray for her and for sanity to be restored and pray for him as he figures out how to be a great father and role model without his children living with him and how to pick up the pieces of his life. I pray that Christ's love just surrounds him and his children as they all try to get through this. I pray that “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard his heart and mind in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7 I just pray that God will give him a calm peace each time he speaks to her and when he speaks to a lawyer and that he will have a clear mind and loving heart when he begins to feel his emotions take over.

Let me talk to you now as a parent coach, this woman's goal to make herself happy at all costs makes me think of how so many parent's goal for their children is for them to be happy regardless of the consequences. I don't believe this wife/mother is alone in her belief that she is entitled to happiness. I believe her generation, my generation, was raised to be happy. And now that this generation are parents themselves they are indulging and bribing their kids more than ever so as to reach the goal of keeping their kids happy and avoiding a tantrum. I would like to encourage parents to keep their eyes on the long term prize. Before I begin coaching parents I have them fill out an interview questionnaire so as to better understand the dynamics in their home. One of the most telling questions I ask is, "What is the vision you have for your children?" I always get the same answer "I want them to be happy" among other great things like to be healthy, kind, respectful... But when your long term vision for your children becomes your short-term goal then you have a problem. I encourage you to write down your vision for your children that way when they are begging for a toy or candy at the check out line in Target you can stand strong in your decision to say No even though they will throw a loud tantrum for all to see and judge. But it is better to be embarrassed by your child now than to have an entitled grown up mooching off of you later. Do you see my point?

I believe that our friend's wife was fed the lie that she is entitled to happiness which caused her parents to bend over backwards to appease her and shelter her from life's unfairness and disappointments. Her parents are divorced and maybe they subconsciously entered into a competition of "whoever makes the kids happiest wins and is the better parent." That is a lie from Satan. She never really had to work at choosing to make herself happy because her parent's robbed that from her every time they made life fair and happy for her again. And she is married and in real life her husband and children don't shelter her from life's unfairness and unpleasantness. She is the mom and she has to deal! But how? If she has never been able to experience let downs or failure or been able to practice self-control. Her brother may have unfairly taken a toy from her and she overreacted in anger so their parents quickly found out who had it first or gave both of them both a toy so as to make it fair and keep the peace. Life is not fair! Siblings are the best teachers of that lesson. Let life happen to your children so they won't be shocked and not know what to do when they are unhappy with their children, in their marriage, jobs, relationships. Teach them the coping skills to handle life. Read them lessons from the Bible and teach them what God wants them to know about how He is the only way, the truth and the life - John 14:6.

Happiness is defined in Webster's Dictionary as having and experiencing great pleasure or joy. I found that when I was in the 4th grade and I accepted the gift of grace and asked Jesus Christ into my life. Our world is so fallen and so far away from God that Oprah dedicated an entire hour on happiness. The episode actually made me sad because I could reach through the t.v. and share the joy of the Lord with them. I wanted to tell Oprah and Goldie Hawn how John 3:16 and Romans 12 changed my life and could change theirs too if they would just move out of the way and relenquish control of their lives over to their Savior. I have to remind myself to do that every day.