Girls' Manners Are the Key to A Nation's Success

I am rereading Dr. Dobson's Bringing Up Girls and of course parts of it fire me up and provoke me to a passion for change as much as Bringing Up Boys did. I listened to it on CD last year about this time, but I found myself forgetting some of it so I felt I needed to really read it and highlight key points. 


‎Right off the bat in Chapter 2 I read this very concerning statistic, "5 yr old girls can't buy thongs or jewel-encrusted underwear or dolls that look like prostitutes. Their parents have to be forking over the cash. Sales receipts from a few yrs back indicated that parents spent $1.6 millon on thong underwear for their 7 to 12 yr old daughters." I can vouch for this as being true. When I was a 2nd grade public school teacher back 2004 we had to send a letter home to all the 2nd grade parents about dressing their little girls more modestly simply for their safety. We were concerned that since the playground could be seen from the road and from many houses that their might be a chance for people to see the girl's underpants while they played on the monkey bars of something. But it wasn't just that. Hot or cold weather, these girls were dressed like seductive teenagers. It simply was not age appropriate and was distracting in class. But parents are so concerned about being liked by their child and being their kids buddy and friend as oppossed to actually parenting them and setting limits and saying NO.  Dr. Dobson goes on to say, "Child development experts warn that parents could be baiting predators by dressing their daughters and raunchy women. The American Psychological Association (APA) warms that sexualizing children leads to 3 of the most common mental health problems amoung girls and women: eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression. Does the APA really have to convince parents that making their six-year-olds into a sexpots is just plain stupid?" 


Our 2nd President, by John Adams concludes that, "the manners of women are the most infallible Barometer, to ascertain the degree of Morality and Virtue in a Nation." He goes on to say that, "The manners of women are the surest criterion by which to determine whether a Republican Government is practicable, in a Nation or not. The Jews, the Greeks, the Romans, the Swiss, the Dutch, all lost their public Spirit, their Republican principles and habits and their Republican Forms of Government when they lost their Modesty and Domestic Virtues of their women..."
Visions of Snookie, Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears and Lady Gaga flashed through my head as I read this. It makes me mourn the loss of our moral and religious nation. It makes me realize how important my job as the mother of a girl is to teach her and model for her just basic good manners. 


"Manners easily and rapidly turn into morals," Horrace Mann.  Dr. Dobson goes on to says that, "many parents have become far too distracted, overworked and stressed out to care about teaching morals and manners to children." Fred Astaire said, "The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any." And he probably said that back in the '60's!!


My daughter is 4 years old and teaching her about good manners has been tricky.  Sometimes I expect her to just know how to behave or respond appropriately when I haven't really ever taught her or explained it to her. For example, her and her brother thought it was cute and funny slurp up their spaghetti at the dinner table. I was shocked she was doing that, but then realized I never took the time to show her how to eat spaghetti appropriately so we had a mini manners session right then and there and she did great from then on. She likes learning how to behave in a grown up way and she likes the idea of acting like a lady. Another example that is tricky for us is when she is in public or around friends and family she doesn't see often or know very well she gets very shy and quiet. When they ask her a question she might just nod her head, but won't look up and answer. I've been using these opportunities to model for her how to carry on a conversation with an adult and why it is polite. There is fine line between shyness and rudeness. I don't think she is being impolite. I just think she is 4 and still learning the art of a 2 way conversation, but it is my job as the parent to take time out of my busy, exhausting day to actually parent her which involves teaching and modeling those social graces and helping her overcome her shyness.