The Martyr or the Servant?

I've been reading this book, Out of the Spin Cycle: Devotions to Lighten Your Mother Load by Jen Hatmaker, with a group of my friends and I've been convicted and changed after readying #9 Greatness, Credit, and Other Myths of Motherhood. In this devotion she talks about how we are called to be servants and becoming a mom brings a whole new meaning to "servanthood." Like her I too chose to become a stay at home mom and took this as my identity. She says, "I developed a sense of entitlement and did a lot of waiting around for credit. I held the emotional position that I was doing everyone a favor." Ummm.... that's me. That's exactly what I did. Until I saw this written in words it never occurred to me that that is exactly what I've been doing. I've been expecting my husband and my kids to give me credit. I've often heard motherhood is a "thankless" job and it is. We should do for others because Christ calls us to do for others not so we will get credit for it.
She goes on to say, "This top-down perspective tainted everything, because if I wasn't perfectly appreciated, adequately recognized, or verbally praised, then I became the wounded martyr who was always disgruntled." Yep! Me again. I was playing the victim. She says Jesus transformed her idea of "being the greatest." "It's not about receiving credit or being popular. It has nothing to do with position or power or getting our just due. Greatness does not come from recognition or the praises of others. True greatness comes to us through the back door of servanthood. As mothers, this requires an emotional shift. We are not doing our husbands and children a favor. We are intentional servants, consciously deferring to the needs of those God entrusted to us. We make the near-constant decision to cast off selfishness and resist entitlement. We deliberately choose 'servanthood' with all our faculties in place, exactly as Jesus did in all his strength and glory. 
Wow! When you put it that way it sure is eye opening! This is what I want my children to do. This how I want my children to behave. I want them to choose servanthood and not for the credit, but because that's what Jesus wants them to do and they have heart for it. Oh wait, but I haven't been choosing servanthood. I haven't had a heart for it. I've been choosing entitlement. I haven't been modeling how to be a servant. I've been modeling complaining and dissatisfaction. :(  The #1 most important thing I tell parents when I am coaching them is "model the way you want your kids to behave." Ugh, I've been so conscious of modeling my tone of voice and never yelling at my kids. I've been so conscious of modeling gratitude and respect for them. Sadly I have been unconsciously modeling entitlement and a lack of servanthood. I want my children to have a servants heart, but haven't had one myself. While I do the dishes, laundry, or feed the baby I think in my head how this is such a terrible use of my masters degree and how my parents must feel like they wasted their money. But this isn't what God wants.
Jen Hatmaker goes on to explain, "we are not subservient doormats; that is something entirely different. Subservience means your family expects you to do what they could rightly do for themselves--you are like hired help, failing to teach your family respect and independence." Dr. Kevin Leman calls this "running a hotel instead of home." In a home everyone contributes. In a hotel you are the maid, chef, nurse, chauffeur...

So for the past month I've really had a better outlook on the mundane tasks in my life. I no longer play the victim role. Now I feel like I've been given the opportunity to serve my family instead of being forced to serve them. I am truly able to grow my servants heart. I no longer feel resentful, but rather blessed. It's funny how I'm quick to volunteer to serve my friends, but when faced with serving my own family in our home on a daily basis I was slow to action. I never looked at it as serving before. I just looked at it as things that had to get done and if I didn't do them no one would. All the weight was on my shoulders and no one would pick up the slack. Now everyone helps out more and I don't feel like hired help. I still do the majority of the household work, but it gives me an opportunity to not only model true servanthood for my children, but to also lighten my husband's load after his long day at work. When I stopped yelling at him about not helping out and started serving him and appreciating how hard he works outside of the house our relationship got even better. The wife and mother really set the tone for the whole house. I didn't want my kids to think I was unhappy to be their mother.  I didn't want my husband to dread coming home.
Jen Hatmaker put it best, "When I choose servant instead of martyr, my children enjoy the security that they are welcomed in our home. They are not a thorn in my flesh, cutting into my personal time. They aren't a nuisance, making me sigh with irritation all day. The are welcomed members of this family, loved and purposed. And when my children are welcomed, I have opened the very doors of heaven and invited God himself into the laughter, chaos, and life of our home. Now that is greatness."