Parenting Tip: Building Character is More Important Than Making the Honor Roll

Now that the school year is in full swing don't allow yourself to become obsessed with your kid's grades. 

To quote Dr. Kevin Leman from It's Your Kid Not a Gerbil: Creating a Happier & Less-Stressed Home,"You have to grade the grades." "Which means you need to put grades into perspective. Look at your kid's abilities, her level of dedication, her work ethic, her life in general, and then grade the importance of her grades on that basis. I'd rather have a daughter who gets a B on a civics test, yet still sends thoughtful letters to her grandmother, than an obsessed student who gets an A+ in civics class but never talks to her grandparents because she thinks they are boring and they smell funny." 
Ask yourself these questions about your child:

Does my kid obey me?
Is my kid a good brother or sister?
Is my kid kind, caring, and empathic?
Is my kid honest?
Does my kid show gratitude?
Is my kid respectful?
If you can answer yes to these questions then you are blessed to have a child like that! Don't make them feel bad for making a B instead of an A or missing the winning kick. Dr. Leman makes a good point in reminding parents that, "Your average thirteen-year-old makes a lot of choices in life. Today's teen is always within easy reach of drugs, sex, alcohol, shoplifting, vandalizing, you name it. Those things are all one step away. You must have done something right to raise a child who respects your values and thinks of others first. That says a lot more to me than whether his or her grade point average is a 2.7 or 3.7. When was the last time someone asked to see your middle-school report card?" 

"To really know and evaluate how your child is doing academically and if they are truly learning, you need to KNOW your child, know what she's learning, and know what they teacher is saying about her progress. If you're running from the office to the Chinese take-out counter for dinner, and then doing work on your laptop while you tuck the kids into bed, you won't have the inclination or peace of mind to keep track of how your kids are doing. When your child enters school, he needs your involvement now more than ever. If he senses that you've pulled away, that your house has become a hotel instead of a home, his school years will be harder than they have to be academically, socially, and emotionally." Parents want to be sure their kids are well rounded young adults so they sign them up for everything under the sun, soccer, basketball, piano, dance, rock climbing, horseback riding, gymnastics, baseball, flag football, and don't forget church on Wednesday nights. Parents have good intentions. They have their child's best interest at heart. They LOVE their children! But they are children. Don't rob them of their youth and unstructured free play. Parents end up spending more time on the road shlepping their kids from practice to practice and game to tournament to performance to birthday party than they do just sitting at the dinner table getting to know their child and their heart. 

Michelle Ross Gilman tell us in the article, "Why Getting Your Kids Into College Should be the Least of Your Concerns," "We have strangled the creativity out of our children by forcing them to do things they may not want to do, but as good parents we have to check the box that reads competitive sports -- check! We have robbed them of their childhood so that we can feel good about their chances at college entrance. Many of our kids don't even know what it is they like to do because we have been telling them what to like for their whole lives. Our children are riddled with anxiety and we are medicating them more now than ever. Why are we doing this?" 

Dr. Leman emphasizes that "Today's kids, driven to succeed from the day they dropped their diapers, need adults to step up to the plate and start stressing character and honesty over achievement with deception." Kids are willing to lie, cheat, and steal to get ahead and make an A rather than let their parents down because they don't have time to properly study due to all the activities they are in. Dr. Suniya Luther found that affluent teenagers are, "truly a miserable group of kids where she sees higher rates of depression, anxiety, binge drinking, and cheating...which she attributes to two causes: pressure to achieve and a lack of meaningful contact with adults." If thats not a cry for a family to focus on spending time with their kids, I don't know what is. "Many kids rebel because they feel that all their parents care about is having kids who turn out according to their expectations. 'All my parents want is to boast about the things I do in front of their peers. So every week I have to accomplish something big or new to make them feel good about themselves. I'm sick of all of it.'" 
Anyone can provide a bed and pillow, but to create a home, a safe and loving environment, is a special thing every child needs. Spend time with your kids at the dinner table getting to know them. 


Don't Let Youth Sports Hijack Your Life instead devote time to give your child an abundance of meaningful contact with adults. 

Here is a good example of a child who's parents emphasized character over winning:
This article is a about a young hockey player who went against his coach's orders and courageously stayed on the ice, kneeling on the blue line waiting to congratulate the other team even though his team lost due to a mistake by the officials. This boy was out there all by himself as his coach ordered the team to leave the ice without congratulating the other team. The parents in the bleachers were moved to tears by this young man's courage to defy his coach and display character and good sportsmanship. The opposing team's manager even wrote a kind letter to his parents commending them for raising such a great kid. I want to be that parent!!! Don't you want to be the parent of the loser who behaved like a winner?!