Announcement in the Bluebonnets!!!

So I LOVE bluebonnets. They are one of the many things that makes Texas so great and unique. I love them so much I planned my wedding around them. I wanted to be married in April during bluebonnet season. I'm so glad I did too because now every year we document another year of marriage with family pictures in the bluebonnets. My friend, Laura Wilmarth of Waterlily Photography, took our pictures this year. 

Bo - 14 months old

Kellyn - 8 1/2

Rhett - 5 1/2

So here is the big news I'm finally ready to talk about. 

To say we were shocked and freaking out is an understatement. I found out I was pregnant in January 2015, 1 week before Bo's 1st birthday, 3 weeks after cleaning out my closet of all maternity clothes. 

I'm just going to get real here for a minute because this has been one of the toughest, most challenging thing we've dealt with in our marriage. I cried so much I think I got dehydrated which makes me feel guilty because I had 3 miscarriages before we got Bo. I should be so grateful for another healthy pregnancy. I had to take progesterone to save Bo because my progesterone was dropping quickly again. If I hadn't started taking it that day I would have miscarried him too. So when I found out I was pregnant again I didn't tell Max for a week and a half thinking it would just go away if I didn't take progesterone, but it didn't. When I started feeling sick (I throw up for 20 weeks every time which did not help my mood) I decided to have my blood drawn and sure enough my progesterone was great and so was my HCG. This baby had a will to live. God clearly wants us to have a 4th child so here we go. I went into the long ugly cry in the doctor's office the day they drew my blood. I finally told Max the next day. Then I went into depression. I was in a dark place I had never been before then I moved into anger and resentment and now I've reached acceptance. I was so mad at Max. I had worked so hard to lose the baby weight. I was going to bootcamp 3 mornings a week and eating clean. It was working. At the time I got pregnant Bo was 11 months old and I only had 8 lbs. left to lose. I was so close I would have had it all off by the time he was 13 months, but instead was going to gain it all back and throw up everyday. I felt like I had ruined my kids' lives because now there definitely won't be enough time or money to go around. We will have to tell them no to more things because we cannot afford them. All I could think of was the negative. I am a control freak that had lost control. And to add insult to injury I have to deliver at birthing center instead of a hospital and leave my doctor that delivered my first 3 kids because we are self employed and it's the cheaper option. I felt like God was punishing us for something. One of my first thoughts was how I will have to send my kids to public school now and we will have to move into a larger house closer to my parents for help. 

Fast forward a few months to April 2015 (16 weeks pregnant) and I began to feel differently. 

I'm actually happy about this baby. I'm starting to feel connected to this baby. I no longer feel like God is trying to punish us, but rather reward us and if I would just step down from my controlling pedestal I might not only be able to see that but also receive it. I was allowing fear and worry steal my joy. God doesn't want that, but Satan does. I'm not going to let Satan win and God was helping me. He was trying to help me and talk to me if only I would listen. He kept sending me the verse, Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Yes, things are tough right now, but God will see us through. He has chosen to prosper us with more children. And I believe that Max's business will also prosper and we will eventually be just fine if we will just let Jesus take the wheel. So please keep us in your prayers as we navigate our new life with lots of changes in a short amount of time.