I LOVE Easter!
It is my favorite holiday! It's truly a miracle and a blessing to think how Jesus was dead and is now ALIVE. Alive so he can rescue me!
"There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ."
So our pastor, Pete's, message on Easter Sunday was about drowning and being overwhelmed and how we need to reach up to Christ to have his save us and that He can save us because He is alive. This message spoke to me not because I'm not drowning with a drug addiction or dealing with a terrible disease or loss of a child, but other more 1st world kind of problems. My husband tells me every month to not spend money because we aren't getting paid. We are basically at the mercy of the home health companies to hopefully decide to pay us each month. It is beyond frustrating, but this is the roller coaster of self-employment my husband has chosen so I'm supporting him. Not to mention that not having health insurance is kicker too. I had to skip our baby's 4 month well check and will also skip her 9 month well check because we pay out of pocket for everything and have to go to the nasty county health department for vaccines.
But more than all that I'm drowning in loneliness for the first time in my life. That's right I have 4 children and I'm lonely. Every since we moved to Flower Mound I haven't really seen my Carrollton friends. Sure it was all good in the beginning when everyone promised to come visit and everyone brought food for us when the baby was first born, but then all that stopped. The baby got bigger and we were expected to feed ourselves and make new friends in our community. However, with my 2 youngest being only 19 months apart someone is always napping making it a challenge to get out of the house and meet new people. That and the sleep deprivation. I try to be social with the parents in Kellyn's 3rd grade class while the big kids hang out with their friend after school in the parking lot, but Priscilla is usually angry from the car ride there and wants to nurse so I nurse her in the drivers seat while Bo plays contained in the minivan while I longingly watch on as the other moms talk and socialize. And some times they will get tougher for coffee right after drop off, but again I have 2 babies who need to sleep or eat while none of them have small children any more. I feel like I'm such a extrovert that this life I lead now is simply torture. When we moved I had to leave my friends, my bootcamp, my playgroups, everything. I feel very isolated in baby jail on an island in Flower Mound. I don't have any friends with a toddler and baby my kids' ages who would want to schedule a playdate. All my friends have older kids and don't want to have a playdate with us which was the only way I would really get to see them. So thank God for Gina Crim. I used to teach with her and we were pregnant twice and the same time so luckily Bo has a friend in her son's Carson and Levi. Carson and Bo are only 22 hours apart in age. Gina has been so kind in welcoming me to Flower Mound and inviting me to playdate with them and getting me the heck out of this house. Other than Gina, I don't feel like I have an real connection with any friends which make me so so sad and lonely. I need to find a playgroup for Bo and meet new friends. I need to know why God uprooted my life and transplanted me here. I'll try my best to grow where I am planted, but it's gonna be hard. Max wants us to leave our church, the church we have been going to for 12 years, to find something closer and in our new community. This was the last thing I have to hold on to where I know people. Leaving bootcamp and all my close relationships there was hard enough, but now this. But honestly, my church really let me down. When we moved not one person from our huge mega church offered to help us move or watch my kids. You know how moved us when I was 7 months pregnant? My parents and my mom's friend, Judy helped with all the heavy lifting and loading and unloading. I was only able to pack everything in boxes and watch the other kids. Before Max got a car for work he had a truck and we helped so many people in from our church move over the years. And once the baby came no one from our church brought us dinner except my dear friend, Dedra. I think by then I was just out of sight, out of mind and just too far away. :( Ok now I'm done with my pitty party and ready to move on and allow God to change my heart and rescue me.
Jordan was staying at my parents' house over Easter weekend so we had the joy and the pleasure of seeing her on Good Friday and she went to church with us on Sunday!
My parents have been holding an annual Easter Egg hunt since Kellyn could walk. This year it was cancelled because my dad got sick on Saturday, my mom got sick Sunday morning, then Bo threw up in his crib while he was taking a nap after church on Sunday afternoon. :( But after throwing up 1 more time and resting on the couch for 30 minutes he suddenly popped up and said, "I better." My dad came to pick up Kellyn, Rhett, and Jordan so they didn't miss out on the egg hunt. A few hours later we met them out their and he's been fine ever since. Weird. It was an Easter miracle indeed.
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| Baby's first Easter. |
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