I created this paper my last year of graduate school. It has since been in a 1st and 2nd grade classroom, a school counselor's office, and now at parent coaching presentations. People often ask me if they can copy it take a picture of it. I cannot find the original saved computer copy. I'm so thankful I printed it on card stock and laminated.
It was very helpful in cutting down on tattle telling.
When a student begins to tattle ask:
"Have you talked to the other person about it?"
No.
"Well, please let them know how you feel about what they did then let me know how it goes."
Example: I feel frustrated because you cut in line. I want you to go back to the end of the line.
Example: I feel disappointed because no one read me a book. I want you to read me a book.
Example: I feel angry because I got hurt when you rushed past me. I want you to apologize or go get me an ice pack.
Example: I feel disgusted because you made fart sounds in class. I want you stop and not do it again.
Example: I feel jealous because you got an American Girl Doll for your birthday and I didn't. I want you to not talk about it anymore.
Using I messages is also a healthy way to fight with your spouse and a great way to model them for your children.
Example: I feel exhausted because I had to clean all the dishes in the sink and unload the dishwasher by myself. I want you to help me next time.
Example: I feel embarrassed because you told old stories about me in college. I want you to keep those to yourself and not do that again.
Example: I was shocked because I found you had plans I didn't know about. I want you to tell me in advance next time.
It is important and helpful to teach children how to identify and express their feelings and emotions appropriately. It is ok to be angry, but it is never ok to yell at your mother or speak to her disrespectfully or throw toys or hit, bite or kick. Maybe they aren’t even angry their jealous or feeling disappointed and that disappoint turned into anger. Hand the child a mirror. I use those small round mirrors you can buy in a package of 4 or 6 at Hobby Lobby, but you can use any mirror. Call out a feeling word to them and ask them to make that corresponding face so they can visually see what others see when they are angry, happy, sad.... Verbally describe how their eyebrows go up or down, their face turns red, their nose wrinkles, their teeth show or their lips pucker.....
Be empathetic and teach empathy. It is actually healthy to allow your children to express their emotions in a safe and appropriate way. It is just embarrassing to us when we are in public. Try saying something like, “I know you wanted to stay longer at the park and that you are disappointed (always label their feelings) that you didn’t get to so if you need to cry for a minute I understand, but we still have to go.” Ex: “It is sad when we have to wash our hands before dinner because you are so hunger and really like dinner, but it is my job to keep you safe and make sure you don’t get sick so you as soon as you wash all the dirt and germs off your hands then you can eat your dinner. It’s fine if you need to cry and be upset for a little while. Let me know if you need to squeeze a ball or relax in your room for a while to help you calm down.”
Think about what is age appropriate for a 2 1/2 year old to grieve and allow them to grieve the lose of not getting their way. Show empathy but don’t give in.
“I know it is sad when you
-don’t get to open presents at Audrey’s birthday party.
-don’t get to have a cookie before dinner.
-have to take a bath instead play.
-have to play instide because it is raining.
I’m sorry. Do you want me to hug you while you cry.” this is not meant to be sarcasm! Listen to them, take them seriously, and give them the eye contact you want from them. Express empathy with your body language and verbal tone as well.
Children’s books about feelings:
How Are You Peeling? Foods with Moods by Saxton Freymann and Joost Elffers
Josh’s Smiley Faces A Story About Anger by Gina Ditta-Donahue
When Sophie Get’s Angry -- Really, Really Angry by Molly Bang
No comments:
Post a Comment