The Day I Didn't Want to Be a Stay Home Mom Anymore

I read this article I saw on Facebook (my first mistake), 9 Reasons I Regret Being a Stay At Home Mom. It made me feel so depressed and sad because I actually agreed with it. Later that day I was playing Candy Land with the kids while simultaneously spoon-feeding the baby. I got up and looked around and saw the clean laundry on the couch, the fax machine in the living room, the dishes in the sink, and stuff all over the living room floor. This is a normal day for us. A day that wouldn't normal bother me. But today I almost cried at the thought of what a waist my masters degree is. I began to think how small our house is and how people who don't even have a college degree much less a masters degree live in bigger, fancier houses. My husband and I both have masters to no avail. He works like a dog to provide for our family and grow his business, but our health insurance cost just went up so high we can't afford it and are now technically uninsured (we are with Medishare). We can't move because we can't qualify for a home loan because we haven't been self-employed for 3 years and I don't work. I was having a pity party that day.

I worked so hard to earn my bachelor's degree in Interdisciplinary Studies, pass the GRE, get into graduate school then actually graduate a 2nd time with my masters in Educational Psychology. I am not naturally smart. I am hard worker with a high work ethic. Learning was struggle for me, but I did it. I did it when I was told that I might be able to get into college. I was 25th in my class out 30 at Liberty Christian School. I had a very low class rank, but I was an average student, a B student. I worked harder for those B's than most of my classmates did for their A's. I wasn't expected to get into college much less graduate with a masters degree.

The lady that wrote the article was right. We would have more money if I worked and actually used my degrees. My kids didn't think I did anything. I felt like everyday for me is like the movie Ground Hog's Day. My day just repeated over and over again. I do the laundry, do the dishes, pick up toys, clean the toilets, make lunches, make dinner...rinse, wash, repeat tomorrow. I LOVE being a stay at home, but I also LOVED being a teacher and a school Counselor. I didn't want my kids in daycare, but I miss my old life. I want to be needed and appreciated among my peers and coworkers. No one here is going to say, "thanks for doing the laundry or doing the dishes." I mean a trained monkey could do this job. What people don't tell you about being a stay at home is just how lonely and isolating it is. And I am involved in mom's groups and playgroups and all kinds of things so we get out, but I still feel lonely. I have good kids. For the most part they are well behaved and don't get into power struggles. I like being around them and with them.

Ok so here is my soap box. I don't have all that many people following my blog so I should not get too much hate mail, right? I think the feminists contributed to my breakdown. Feminism tells women the lie that they can and should have it all. That you can be a successful career woman and an involved mother. That if you just stay at home to raise your kids and put your career on the back burner then you are a failure and you have let down all those women in the 60's that fought so hard for you to put down the apron and pick up the briefcase. Sadly the truth is women cannot have it all. We are going to feel guilty if we follow our dreams and pursue our career and have to put our kids in daycare. We are going to feel a loss of our identity if we stay at home with our kids and put our career on hold. I think feminism contributes to the demise of the nuclear family too. It wants women who do choose to stay home to hurry up and get back in the workforce because raising kids is a thankless job. Well, I think raising kids is hard and takes a lot of thought and education and the longer I stay home the more knowledge I can pour into them and the more I can model for them on how to behave in society, eat healthy, and make wise choices. I also think feminism has attacked our boys in schools. If boys don't sit still and quiet like girls then recess gets taken away. What if that boy is a kinesthetic learner and needs to stand up and move to learn? What if we stop looking at boys as behavior problems and start looking at them as different learners.  Feminism is causing more men to behave like boys forcing women to lead when they don't want to and shouldn't have to. Anyways, I just realized I could go on and on about this, but I shouldn't. It's not the point.

The point is, Satan, got in my head and tried to make me feel dissatisfied with my life and I let him. I was weak and vulnerable and hormonal and he knew how to get to me and I fell for it. My husband helped snap me out of it. He said, "I know it's a sacrifice, but we both made the decision and I have always felt blessed that God allowed your circumstances to be put at for the time that you have been. Five to ten years is a long time to be away, but you have kept up with your industry and even got paid for your knowledge. That is and will always be available to you. The children will remember the time you were home and they will be influenced by you always. This is more important than money ever could be."

That evening I read this article, I Blamed My Wife for Our Messy House, I Was Wrong for Many Reasons, and felt so much better. 

I also came across this counter article as I was searching for the original,Why I don't Regret Being a Stay At Home Mom. I totally agree with her too.

Max took me out on a date last weekend. After dinner we went shopping and saw this sign and just had to have it and he bought it for me!! I love it! It's such a great reminder to read everyday. My high school counselor once told me, "Never let anyone or anything steal your joy." I wrote a blog about happiness years ago and want to yell this saying to the person I wrote it about. 

Instead of looking at all that I don't have I am going to choose what I do have: 3 healthy kids, a husband who loves me and provides for us so I am able to stay home, a roof over my head, food to eat, a warm place to sleep, countless friends, parents who help us, God who sacrificed his life for me and showers me with grace and forgiveness daily.